White employees of this company have been gathered here today to initiate their transformation from white supremacists to being something closer to a human being. Our CEO would like to ease your transition to betterment by providing the following sheet of items for you to take home and study. It is a checklist that will help you know what to expect for this training and to prepare for the formal start of classes next week. Study the below items long and hard, practice kneeling, and prepare for your trek to a status closer to a non-white human-being. Thank you.
–1.) Train yourself to stop speaking proper English, and slowly change your speech so you become unintelligible, sound like a moron, and pronounce only curse and racist works clearly.
–2.) Volunteer to join the team we are forming to edit Shakespeare’s white supremacist works by entering thousands of misspelled words, curses, and words found only in the Urban Dictionary. If you can draw, great. We have need for pornographic illustrations for the plays.
–3.) Build a dummy that looks like an elderly white man or woman who is handicapped, and then practice sneaking up and cold-cocking them with a fist or – better – with a metal bar. Every one of these efforts will increase your skill and ensure you can kill these old white people with just one punch or swing … and then spit on them.
–4.) Gather kindling, put on a mask, and practice using gasoline to light a fire as quickly as you can. Repeat the exercise, each time lighting a larger fire. This is important, the quicker you are at completing this process, the better chance you have to escape without being scorched by the arson fires you set in black-and-white-owned small businesses in urban areas.
–5.) Volunteer to join the committee charged with renaming America’s monuments and historical actions and sites. We are, however, very short of people worth remembering, so do the best with the little we have to work with. Following are a few of the ideas that have been submitted so far, just so you get an idea of what’s possible.
–“The Pilgrims landed at Tubman Rock after getting of the Tubmanflower”.
–For the American Revolution: “The Continental Army nearly froze at Tubman Forge.”
–For a political slogan: “Tippecanoe and Tubman too!”
–For the national anthem: “The Star Spangled Tubman”
–For the Civil War: “South attacks Fort Tubman in Charleston, and starts a war!”
–In New York harbor: The Statue of Tubman
–For World War II: “Japanese Launch Surprise Attack on Pearl Tubman!”
— For the Cold War’s end: “Ronald Tubman, Tubman Thatcher, and Pope Tubman Paul II end the Cold War!”
–6.) Learn to listen, love, and swoon over the most absurdly simplistic near-melodies ever written, which are invariably accompanied by vile, violently misogynist, and racist lyrics sung in unintelligible English.
–7.) Train yourselves to stop laughing hysterically and remain stoic when your minority teachers tearfully warn you over the dangers that lie in the blatant racist attacks known as Climate Change, Chinese Virus, white privilege, and mathematics.
–8.) Those of you who are parents must fully accept the beauty and necessity of letting your children drop out before graduating from high school. Then you must encourage male drop-outs to have multiple children of their own and then abandon them.
–9.) Train yourselves to angrily reject the deep racism of schedules, deadlines, punctuality, grades in school, manners, politeness, work ethic, and voter IDs. And, again, deploy more stoicism – never hysterical laughing – when you are taught about the glories of diversity, reparations, and multiculturalism.
–10.) Joyfully accept the death of your own race, personality, talents, language, interests, history, family, and equality before the law, and thereafter you can be our brothers and sisters and join us in extinguishing not only white supremacy, but all white people.
Study this memo thoroughly and commit it to memory. Your next steps in killing your whiteness is steep and downward, but you will soon be one of us, and will able to use the proud title limax Anthropophagos.
–Endnote:
–1.) The Latin phrase above means “The Slug Cannibals”. See, https://translate.google.com/?hl=en&sl=la&tl=en&text=limax%20Anthropophagos.&op=translate
